Everyone's Voice - What have you got to say?: October 2011

This is a long but worthy post. Thanks to all for your input!!

Bullying is one of Pleasantdale's district "goals" this year. We suppose what they might mean is anti-bullying. While this goal is meant for the students, it really needs to start at the top of the Pleasantdale food chain. Teachers, staff, parents and even some board members are bullied on a daily basis; hung out to dry, by the two biggest bullies in town.

Why does this continue you ask? Why doesn't anyone stop it? Well, the only real answer is because it is allowed, ignored and permeated by those whose goal is to stop it: namely your school board.

We have recently been looking into an adult form of bullying called bullying in a workplace (such as a school district) and below you will find information from a website called kickbully.com that discusses workplace bullying. The words in red are our commentary. We hope by bringing this to light, it will raise awareness and lead to change.

Bullies, backstabbers and manipulators

Is there someone at your workplace who makes you feel anxious, frustrated or angry? (Yes!) Does that person seem intent on controlling your behavior against your will? (Yes!) Does he belittle, embarrass or even humiliate you? (Yes!) With most people, if you make the effort, you can usually get along. Problems arise and are solved. But what if your boss, or one of your co-workers, resists any attempt to have a normal, mutually respectful working relationship? Maybe he is overly critical or micromanaging. He seems intent on intimidating or controlling you. Or he appears to support you one day, then undermines you the next. You find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster. You feel confused and manipulated. You feel like you are alone in an increasingly painful struggle against his clever, self-serving, destructive behaviors. Your job has become an ordeal and there seems to be no way out.

If this is your situation, then you are probably dealing with a workplace bully.

What is a workplace bully?

On its surface, bullying is a simple concept. A strong person acts harshly towards someone weaker, and the bullying is blatant and habitual. It includes browbeating and threatening, verbal abuse and yelling. Everyone recognizes that person as a bully. (So true!!)

Obvious bullies ultimately fail

An obvious bully is noisy, overly aggressive and blatant in his attempts to force others to comply with his will. Resist him and he attacks like an ill-bred pitbull. In some toxic workplaces, he may survive for years, or even become a high-level executive. But usually he will get himself fired. His nasty over-the-top bullying is just too obvious. This simple, stupid version of bullying is rarely a path to sustained success in the American workplace.

Beware the clever bully

Because of this, a successful workplace bully is usually much cleverer in his tactics. He rarely resembles the stereotype. His methods are very subtle, disguised with all the right behaviors. In that lies his treachery. People respect and trust him, and he quietly betrays their trust whenever necessary to fulfill his ambitions. For him, the end always justifies the means. And if the bully is particularly good at this, no one except his victims sees the betrayals. In some cases, not even the victims realize what has happened.

It gets worse and worse...

To make matters worse, a highly skilled bully usually has the dedication, focus and business acumen to create success, or at least the appearance of success. Then he/she is honored and promoted, held up as an example of a district-centric leader. He is rewarded while the frustration builds among the targets of his bullying and intimidating, backstabbing and manipulating. For them, life has become an upside-down hell.

Beyond the traditional definition of "bully"

A skilled, clever bully displays an elaborate, complex set of behaviors to exploit people around him. Those who only consider bullying to be blatantly aggressive behavior are missing the point. Any habitual pattern of intentional, socially cruel behavior is bullying, including the subtle tactics of deceit, distortion, misreprentation and misdirection. When the penalty for resisting someone is destruction of your position and reputation, it’s fair to describe that person as a bully. Using this broad definition, bullying has reached epidemic proportions in the American workplace.

Accidental vs. intentional bullying

Not everyone who displays bullying behaviors can truly be described as a workplace bully. If someone has genuine concern for your well-being, he may be attempting to influence your behavior for your own good. Just because you don’t like his approach doesn’t make him a bully. Or someone may yell at you in frustration. But perhaps he lacks emotional maturity and is overreacting to a stressful situation. An isolated incident doesn’t prove bullying. Good-hearted people often make mistakes. In contrast, a workplace bully has self-serving goals with a complete lack of respect or caring for others, who he never considers as equals. And among these moral and intellectual inferiors, he feels free to use any means necessary to gain compliance. It is his perpetual intention to dominate those he considers to be weak, naive, unaware or otherwise susceptible to his guile.

Complex and dangerous bullies

More dangerous is the skilled workplace bully. He combines two or more of these aggressive personality types, then cleverly disguises his true nature under an image of success and leadership.

Once you have suffered at the hands of a skilled bully, you are more likely to understand his true character. Typically, he is highly ambitious. To achieve his goals, he needs the cooperation of others; however, he doesn’t believe in fair exchange. Instead, he charms others for the purpose of controlling them and uses camaraderie to encourage loyalty. If necessary, he exploits weaknesses in others to change their behavior. At the same time, he preaches teamwork and professes company values to enhance his reputation, or pretends to pursue company goals to boost his power. He is a master manipulator, constantly using stealth and deception to influence the thinking of those around him. And he does all this while intimidating, undermining and slandering everyone who stands in the way of his self-serving ambitions. With a skilled bully, nothing is ever as it appears.

The greatest challenge: covert bullies

Although it can be difficult to defend yourself against an obvious bully, it is usually a far greater challenge to deal with a well-disguised bully. We will focus our attention on these charming and powerful manipulators who attempt to bring you under their control by employing a broad spectrum of bullying strategies and techniques. My goal is prepare you for the worst type of bullying, and then if your nemesis turns out to be a weaker or less effective workplace bully, it should be easier to neutralize him.

Who are workplace bullies’ targets?

Although anyone may be targeted by a workplace bully, he typically chooses people who are currently under his authority, or who offer some type of weakness that he can exploit. Being a boss means responsibility and power, including power over subordinates. This naturally provides opportunities to intimidate, manipulate and dominate others. When the boss is a bully, he exploits the situation. If he is ambitious, he believes he can better achieve his career goals through controlling his subordinates. But a bully may also manipulate others who can contribute to his advancement, from the newest employee who unknowingly spreads malicious rumors, to the president of the company who falls for the bully’s clever deceptions. Anyone who comes in contact with a workplace bully may become a target of his bullying, although he usually saves his worst behavior for those closest to him.

What do workplace bullies want?

Power and success

Most bullies have an intense desire to control others. This usually arises from a self-centered, self-absorbed drive to gain power and prestige, and career and financial success. Well-adjusted people may have a similar single-minded purpose, but know they must achieve success through integrity and fair exchange with others. Their honest character demands it. But bullies, in their distorted value system, somehow feel they can only achieve great things by manipulating, intimidating or otherwise forcing others to submit to their will.

Ego-gratification

A bully may also have an insatiable hunger for ego gratification, which causes him to constantly strive to be admired and respected, or even feared, by others. An ego-hungry bully wants to be honored for his achievements, to be recognized as wise and strong. Some workplace bullies enjoy dominating others. They get an ego-boost from the experience of cleverly manipulating people into complying with their desires. Afterwards, they bask in their intellectual superiority and political savvy, perhaps telling stories of their victories over uncooperative peers and subordinates.

Lord and master

Ultimately, a highly successful bully finds personal fulfillment in exercising power over others within the competitive environment of the workplace, where he has become lord of all he surveys.

Workplace Bully as Master Manipulator

A skilled workplace bully is usually an expert at manipulation. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, he influences and controls others. Like a clever politician, a manipulative workplace bully keeps his desires hidden. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he adopts the mantra of “district mission first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his claims of selfless pursuit of noble causes. But underneath his self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control how you feel, think and behave.

Plays mind games to distort the thinking of others

A bully creates an alternative reality in the minds of those around him. He keeps people off-balance through half-truths, hearsay and misstatements. His distorted version of events is intended to obscure and confuse. He intentionally misleads you so that you arrive at an incorrect conclusion, and then exposes your mistaken opinion as proof of your ignorance or unreliability.

A workplace bully’s followers

To become powerful, a workplace bully needs many supporters. He is proficient in identifying people who can be controlled by charm or guile, intimidation or manipulation.

A bully tests you

As you become acquainted with a skilled bully, he tests you to determine if you will become a follower or an opponent. At first, he challenges you with mild verbal criticism. Or he invades your personal space by standing too close and hovering behind you in your work area. If you silently endure his behavior, he concludes that you tend to avoid confrontation. By learning your emotional hot buttons, he positions himself to gain power over you.

With him or against him

On the other hand, if you seem unlikely to become a loyal follower, he concludes you are a threat to his success and begins plotting ways to discredit you, to diminish your influence over others and to reduce any power you have in the company.

He prevents your communication (Say it ain’t so!!)

If you are outspoken, he excludes you... He insists that all discussions must go up the chain of command (through him). And if you complain about his behavior, he launches an all-out attack on your character.

Bullying behaviors may be couched in humiliation and iterative programs or protocols framed as being in the best interests of employee (board) development and coaching. (This is why our board of education is mired in protocols. Violations of the protocols abound. Protocols are a method of bullying!)

Exploits subordinates to outshine his peers

He uses empty promises or subtle threats to get his subordinates to work long hours, then takes personal credit for motivating them to make extreme sacrifices. He thus claims to possess superior leadership skills. When members of his department become disgruntled, he begins to systematically ruin their reputation, eventually firing them. (How many teachers have quit or been let go?) If someone mentions the high rate of turnover in his department, he downplays the significance, or he blames someone else for the problem. “They’re leaving,” he may tell the school board, “because you won’t let me pay them as much as they can earn elsewhere.” (Do they conduct exit interviews? Nope!)

Arrogance

An arrogant nature is frequently the defining characteristic of a workplace bully. Basically, he feels superior to those around him. He exaggerates his own importance while belittling the importance of others; or he admires his own skills while disrespecting the skills of others. He has contempt for anyone he considers less powerful or less intelligent than him (in other words, just about everyone he knows). With a smug, overbearing demeanor, he dismisses the viewpoints of peers and subordinates as unworthy of his attention. He believes he is right and anyone who disagrees with him is wrong. He assumes you will recognize his superior intelligence, experience and judgment, and you will soon accept his point of view. When you don’t, he concludes you are stubborn, confused, biased or slow-witted (“moron” and “idiot” are labels he might apply to you behind your back).

Self-glorifying

A highly confident bully is usually very outspoken in praising his own accomplishments (test scores). He is positive and enthusiastic when describing his performance, minimizing any mistakes or blaming them on the failures of others. (Ever hear the spin when the scores go down?) He seems to have an anecdote for every occasion, usually featuring himself in the role of the clever hero. He may launch into long monologues about his past successes. In contrast, when describing the performance of others, a self-glorifying bully becomes skeptical or even cynical. He belittles their accomplishments as insignificant, or even a step in the wrong direction. When someone else’s accomplishment is too obvious to criticize, he remains silent or is superficially congratulatory, soon shifting the attention back to himself and his contributions to the company.

Strong-willed

A successful workplace bully is typically very strong-willed. Never seeming satisfied, he constantly pressures you to change your thinking, yield to his objectives and fulfill his demands. His drive to succeed is often at the root of his desire to dominate others.

Pushy to an extreme

No matter how much you give him, he always wants more. He demands extreme actions and commitments. He is constantly pushing his proposals, often seeming to shove his ideas down the throats of others. He stops at nothing in ruthless pursuit of his personal goals. (Does SBG ring a bell?)

Increasingly demanding over time

He assumes you will ultimately surrender to his demands, so he keeps pushing. Once you cave in, he begins making greater demands, knowing that you tend to submit when adequately pressured. He never seems satisfied, always demanding more and more from you. (Meetings, meetings, meetings!)

Narrow-minded

He insists that only his suggestions are reasonable. In his contempt for the ideas and suggestions of others, he ridicules any alternatives to his plan. He belittles creative discussions as a waste of time, sniping at the ideas of others to intimidate them into silence. When his behavior is challenged, he pompously claims to be the only one who is taking a serious approach to the matter. In his narrow-mindedness, he believes that he alone possesses a clear sense of purpose, and thus he is justified in imposing his will upon others.

Dominates meetings to achieve his objectives

A strong-willed bully exploits meetings to persuade and control others. He uses his aggressive, outspoken personality to dominate the discussion. For example, he insists that everyone give full attention to his ideas, but sidetracks any discussion of the ideas of others. (How about when certain people feign confusion? "I don’t understand what you want.") He doesn’t participate in group give-and-take exchanges, except perhaps to shout down a stubborn opponent. (Ever see the board president get nudged to shut someone up?) When he doesn’t get his way, he becomes angry. When others don’t listen to him, he launches a verbal tirade. When someone presents an opposing viewpoint, he interferes through the silent use of aggressive body language, such as constantly frowning, glaring at the speaker, using facial expressions that express his disgust, sighing frequently, rolling his eyes, aggressively fidgeting (such as tapping his fingers or writing notes), suddenly dropping his arms on the table in obvious disgust, or just sitting there with arms crossed (a wrinkled brow) or sour look on his face. Or he ends a meeting after he has presented his ideas, before others have spoken fully. When he can’t end a meeting, he looks for an excuse to leave. (or reminds the meeting facilitator that we have to stay on schedule) And if he can’t leave when he wants, he repeatedly attempts to change the subject; or he tries to distract others by joking around, holding whispered conversations or checking messages on his cell phone.

Attacks you personally if you question his proposal

When he thinks you are attacking his ideas, he attacks you personally. He may imply you have selfish motives, or suggest you are experiencing a lapse in judgment. If that doesn’t stop you, he becomes visibly frustrated and expresses disappointment with your behavior, perhaps saying: “I expected you, of all people, to support a plan that is so obviously good for the company.” If you continue to express opposition, he becomes angry at your narrow-minded thinking or discounts your knowledge and experience. (Boy, have we seen this a time or two!) Or he tries to destroy your credibility by belittling your character and intelligence.

He may also encourage others to attack you. He asks them leading questions--he already knows their likely response--to elicit criticism. Alternatively, he repeats negative comments someone had said in private. For example, he says: “I’ve had others tell me you’re stubborn.” But those negative comments were carefully elicited by the bully solely for the purpose of attacking you at a meeting.

Tries to win every point

A strong-willed bully considers it essential to win every point in a discussion. Rather than expose himself to criticism for making an occasional mistake, he defends even his most unrealistic ideas. He doesn’t want to become a victim of one of his favorite attacks: berating someone for a minor, irrelevant error in an otherwise plausible opinion (not realizing normal people would never pursue such a meaningless point). He also views any argument as a battle of wills, seeking to prove himself right at all costs, thus showing others that he possesses superior intellect and judgment. Through his take-no-prisoners attitude, he believes he can enhance his reputation and strengthen his power in the district/community.

Enforces his will by creating urgent deadlines

A strong-willed bully readily agrees to unreasonable deadlines. He typically underestimates time requirements in order to pressure his subordinates to work excessive overtime. He uses deadlines to push others to comply with his ambitious plans. (Assessments must be completed by the end of April!) When subordinates unite in opposing an impossible deadline, he refuses to request an extension. He may even respond with a motivational speech, such as: “I know you can get it done; it’s just going to take a little overtime.” In describing his behavior to the school board, he portrays himself as a strong leader, perhaps saying: “I really had to turn up the heat, but that’s what it takes sometimes to get the job done.” He also exploits urgent deadlines to pressure you to make quick decisions, before getting all the facts. When you try to delay a decision until you can properly research and evaluate the issue, he attacks you with demeaning comments.

Argumentative

An argumentative bully doesn’t believe in the fair exchange of ideas based on logical reasoning and common-sense interpretation, but instead feels compelled to force his opinions on others. He accomplishes this, to a great extent, by disputing any ideas in opposition to his own, or discrediting anyone who presents those ideas. As part of his argumentative approach, he seeks to gain the upper hand through a variety of tactics.

Disagrees with everything you say

When he asks you a question, he rarely accepts your answer. He is always challenging and contradicting your ideas. Even when he actually agrees with you, he responds in a combative manner.

Communication is mostly talking

His communication style is to dominate every conversation. He offers a variety of anecdotes, stories, facts and data to convince others, but is impatient when his opponents offer “irrelevant” or “unreliable” information (that is, anything that contradicts him). When he appears to seriously consider the viewpoints of others, he is merely gathering information for use in a counterargument. Because he has no genuine interest in your ideas, he never truly engages in a two-way conversation.

Obscures your viewpoint

When you argue with him, he misrepresents your viewpoint, and then discredits this straw man position. Or he attacks an unimportant detail of your viewpoint--one in which you actually are wrong--to discredit your overall position. He suggests that one mistake in your facts reveals the overall errors of your thinking.

Even worse, he implies that you intentionally misled everyone. At the extreme, he accuses you of lying because you said something in the past that turned out to be false, ignoring the obvious logic that you weren’t lying if you said what you believed to be true at the time. To support his absurd charge, he may claim you possessed information unavailable to others.

By convincing others you are biased, narrow-minded and occasionally deceptive, he prevents them from understanding your viewpoint. in this manner, he eliminates any opposition to his ideas. (A skill that has been perfected to a T!)

Misinterprets what you say

An argumentative bully misinterprets others as a matter of habit. This tends to keep everyone around him off-balance, allowing him to argue more effectively for his own ideas.

During conversations, he attacks something you don’t remember saying, usually because he took it out of context or misinterpreted your meaning. After characterizing your thinking in an incorrect manner, he ignores your attempts to correct him, or wrongly accuses you of possessing a flawed memory.

He may also use the tactic of misinterpretation to intimidate or embarrass you. For example, in a sarcastic tone of voice, he inaccurately paraphrases your position: “Oh, so you’re suggesting _____. Well, that would do a lot of good.”

Misinterpreting others is a favorite tactic of successful manipulators. (Wow, we couldn't have said it better!)

Side-steps your valid points, rather than debating logically

An argumentative bully won’t address the substance of the issue, but instead brings up unrelated ideas. Or he restates his prior points so the discussion goes around in circles.

When you argue with irrefutable logic, he counters with authoritative quotes and stories that he claims support his position. He refuses to be drawn into an intelligent discussion based on commonly understood or verifiable facts. To support his opinions, he prefers to use information known only to him (which is why a bully spends so much time talking about his unique work experiences, usually consisting of unverifiable information).

Easily feels threatened and goes on the offensive

When you seem to question his ideas, he becomes angry. If you appear to support an alternative viewpoint, he attacks you. He goes on the offense to avoid defending his ideas, since a serious discussion could reveal flaws in his thinking. (Has someone ever gotten into a person's face before, screaming and yelling? The answer is yes.)

If you articulate a logical viewpoint, he tries to derail the conversation, perhaps through an aggressive attack unrelated to the current topic. This could involve bringing up unrelated issues to distract others from the soundness of your perspective, or using innuendo to provoke you into defending yourself.

His goal is to create chaos, then steer the conversation back to his proposed solutions, effectively shutting out your point of view.

Pulls rank to silence others

Another method of shutting down opposing viewpoints is for him to claim superior authority, knowledge or experience. He also may claim a greater concern and superior commitment to the district's long-term objectives (AKA the Strategic plan.)

He speaks with authority, rattling off various facts--statistics, financial data, quotes, anecdotes--which he claims support his position. If you try to point out the irrelevancy or inaccuracy of his “facts,” he becomes angry and pompously puts you in your place, perhaps asserting that his past experiences have provided him with clearly superior credentials, making him uniquely qualified to evaluate and conclude on the issue at hand. In a torrent of words, he attempts to sweep away all opposition.

Overgeneralizes

He stereotypes you to diminish you and your role. For example, he describes you as extroverted, introverted, analytical or conceptual, proving you are limited and biased. In his judgmental manner, he doesn’t allow for the typical complexity of most people.

He may try to label you with a demeaning term, such as lazy, unmotivated or disruptive.

Highly critical

A workplace bully may try to keep others on the defensive through his constant criticism. Eventually, his subordinates feel inferior and incompetent, as if nothing could ever be enough to please him. Through constant criticism, he grinds people into submission, or causes them to quit. (How many times have we seen this happen?)

Diminishes your importance

He harps on your mistakes, belittles your accomplishments and discounts your ideas, all for the purpose of reducing your importance in the eyes of yourself and others.

Criticizes you indirectly

Using a subtle trick of association, he attempts to criticize you indirectly. For example, he makes sure everyone knows about your close alliance with someone else, and then he goes out of his way to demean that person. Or he belittles your former employer, thus implying your background is inferior. Alternatively, he may discount the importance of a project in which you play a major role, or claim one of your past projects was a failure.

During these attacks, he never once mentions your name. Even so, he tarnishes your reputation with those too naive to recognize his manipulation.

Cross-examines you intensely

A highly critical bully uses aggressive questioning to keep you on the defensive. During this process, he ignores or misunderstands your explanations. His tone of voice conveys his negative opinion. (This skill has been perfected.)

Or he seems to have an instantly negative reaction to anything you say. Even when you are merely asking a question--perhaps seeking to clarify his criticism--he acts as if you are avoiding the issue or shifting blame. (This one too!)

Shows his disapproval by being impatient with you

In another indirect method of conveying criticism, he impatiently does something himself rather than waiting for you (like the tech guy who impatiently says “Move!” when you can’t follow his vague, jargon-laced instructions). He may also impatiently cut you off in conversations, rather than hearing you out and acknowledging your input.

Character assassin

When a workplace bully can’t win with facts and logic, he may resort to attacking your character. (These people are radicals and rogues!) At a minimum, his intention is to undermine your credibility pertaining to a single issue. However, if you are a serious threat to his future, he may act to seriously damage your reputation or get you fired.

Suggests you are biased

By suggesting you have hidden motives, he attacks your integrity and reliability. This may cause others to view you with suspicion, weakening your influence within the company. (A mantra in the most recent election by the incumbents was to tell everyone that the opposition candidates had a personal agenda.)

Misleads others to destroy your reputation

He may distort past events in a manner that portrays you in a very harsh light. For example, he omits vital information that would explain your action as wise and appropriate, instead characterizing your action as vengeful or self-serving. His objective is to paint a negative, distorted picture of your attitude and objectives. (Another perfected skill.)

Makes your failures obvious

Once a vengeful bully causes your failures, he is very diligent in pointing those out, but never with an explanation of extenuating circumstances. When he needs to justify termination, he tells the school board that he had clear performance objectives, which the person obviously failed to meet, or that the person was on probation (non-tenured), with this latest assignment acting as a test case.

If he sees an employee becoming disenchanted, he begins to discredit you. He never wants a disenchanted employee to expose his unfair tactics, so he begins the process of discrediting you long before you quit. By diminishing your credibility, he reduces the risk of the board of education paying attention to your complaints about his bullying tactics. (They wrote the book on this!)

Perhaps he makes it widely known that you are failing. During this process, he builds a case for your termination. Then if you tell others about his harsh behaviors, he fires you (he may even claim that he had already fired you, before you spoke out). By then, he will have reduced your credibility to the point that no one takes your complaints seriously.

If you quit, he suggests you were forced out due to incompetence. If you quit before he has discredited you, he suggests you couldn’t handle the job, you didn’t have a good work ethic, you couldn’t get along with others, you lacked the necessary skills or you just didn’t fit in with the company culture. When you deny him the satisfaction of firing you, he makes up for it by destroying your reputation. (Threatens to destroy reputations. Former staff members have been told they will never work in the area again)

Charming

A skilled bully charms others to gain their trust. He exudes warmth and friendship as he smiles and tells jokes and stories, or flatters those around him. He makes you feel important by offering attention and approval. (No wonder the new board just loves him!)

His charismatic personality provides an excellent disguise, resulting in most people readily accepting the fiction of his good intentions rather than the reality of his self-serving nature. Because of the power of this disguise, charisma in a covert bully often leads to outstanding success, as can be observed with numerous public figures. (Ever see certain people giving him a big ol' hug in public? So inappropriate!)

Obsessed with image

A skilled bully is obsessed with how things appear to others, even to the point of believing that outward image is more important than underlying reality. He knows that to prevent others from discovering the disturbing truth about his character, he must use words to create an image of integrity, teamwork and leadership.

Suppresses the truth

A bully misleads people by omitting significant information that would explain the situation and reveal the underlying reality. When you counter with a fact-based explanation, he misstates and belittles your viewpoint.

Evasive

A workplace bully can be very slippery (we could not have picked a better word!) when he needs to avoid the truth at all costs.

Avoids the truth about his behavior

An evasive bully never gives a straight answer about his bullying behavior. He denies his self-serving intentions and acts confused by complaints about his mistreatment of others. (Another perfect example of what transpires! We've seen this tactic used by another one of our leaders on many, many occasions.)

When complaints about his behavior persist, he questions the motives of the complainer. If asked to explain the rationale for his behavior, he angrily refuses, perhaps becoming belligerent. Or he flatly denies the specific charges of bullying, rejecting any facts as fabricated by a vengeful, biased complainer (that is, the target of his bullying).

Alternatively, he justifies his bullying behavior as needed to achieve positive goals, or mischaracterizes his aggressive behavior traits as valid leadership qualities.

Never honest and constructive

An evasive bully is never straightforward, never tells you his hidden agenda and never reveals his innermost desires. He would never consider making an effort to fix a relationship by changing his behavior. If there is an obvious conflict with you, he prevents it from being surfaced and resolved openly, preferring to undermine you behind your back.

Shifts the focus to others

An evasive bully asserts that the problem is with others, not him/herself. By criticizing you, he/she avoids discussing his own behaviors. Or he/she accuses you of behaviors far worse than his, saying that you triggered his bad behavior because you created a situation in which he/she had no choice but to behave the way he/she did. He may even claim he is the one who is being victimized (another hidden behavior trait). (True!)

Plays the victim

A bully acts like a victim in order to manipulate others into submitting to his desires. This can be a very effective technique in a company that emphasizes trust, respect, teamwork and fair treatment of others. (We've seen this tactic used by another of our district leasders as well.) In effect, he is abusing the virtue of his fellow workers, much like a con man steals from good Samaritans.

Self-righteous

In order to conceal his corrupt character and ruthless ambitions, a workplace bully claims the moral and ethical high ground. Alternatively, a delusional bully may actually be convinced he possesses superior virtue, and that his noble objectives fully justify deceiving and mistreating others. Either way, his self-righteous manner is a constant force, often leading to bullying behaviors.

He is good, others are bad

A self-righteous bully implies he is a good person, but others are ill-intentioned and devious. He tells stories that demonstrate his own goodness and highlight the questionable motives of others.

Superior motives

He characterizes his intentions as highly unselfish, while suggesting that others are seeking their own selfish ends. He suggests that unlike others in the company, he has the employees’ best interests in mind. (Again, people that challenge are said to have hidden agendas.)

When speaking at a meeting, he appeals to nobler motives, which of course coincide with his own objectives. In order to show he is more devoted to the company than anyone else, he quotes the company’s vision and values (and mission statement. So nauseating!)

Pompous

A pompous bully pretends to be a strong leader, when in fact he is a smug, self-satisfied, self-important, pretentious, bombastic, ego-absorbed, ego-indulgent braggart. These elements of his personality are a major cause of his manipulative and overbearing approach to dealing with others. (Wow, those are some strong words!)

Demeans others

He doesn’t treat you as an equal, but instead acts as if you are unimportant and powerless. He is condescending in words, tone of voice and mannerisms. He seems to enjoy feeling superior to you. (Almost the entire board of ed. does this when it comes to how they treat newcomers.)

Meeting hog

A pompous bully often exploits meetings to pump up his ego. When he is speaking, a major objective is to demonstrate his superior intellect. Using high-sounding phrases, industry lingo or obscure technical references, (edu-speak) he lectures others on the best way to accomplish things. He speaks extensively about his successes (test scores), even when others were primarily responsible. Grandstanding is second nature to him. (November is testing report month. Come one, come all to see this in action!)

When he is talking, he demands the full attention of everyone in the room, perhaps using an overly dignified tone of voice to command respect. But when you are talking, he is intentionally rude in order to show your unimportance. For example, he fiddles with his cell phone, holds side conversations with the person next to him, or reviews documents and make notes about something unrelated to the meeting. (They hit the nail on the head with this one!)

He may also attempt to control the meeting agenda, even to the point of wasting everyone’s time on items of exclusive interest to him. (someone else we know does this too) In his vanity, he believes his obviously superior ideas and opinions justify his domination of every meeting he attends.

Hypocritical

A skilled bully finds it expedient to openly claim beliefs, feelings and virtues that he doesn’t actually possess. Then regardless of his true attitudes, ethics, morality and intentions, he can influence others without arousing their suspicion.

Essentially, a hypocritical bully’s spoken philosophy doesn’t match his underlying beliefs. Due to this contradiction, his hypocrisy becomes readily apparent to those working closely with him. However, the rest of the company is usually unaware of his duplicitous nature, instead accepting the positive image he cleverly manufacturers.

For example, he preaches mutual trust, but betrays your trust in him. He preaches teamwork at the same time he undermines you. (Yup, yup!) He conceals his activities, but attacks you for not publicizing yours. He glosses over his mistakes as insignificant and not worth discussing, but exaggerates your mistakes, bringing them up again and again. He is a loose cannon, but complains when you show independence and initiative. (Wowza!)

If you work with a hypocritical bully long enough, you will discover that there are no limits to the ways in which he can reveal the contradiction between what he says and what he does.

Two-faced (Pay close attention here)

There’s nothing quite like that moment when a charismatic bully first shows you his true colors. From that moment on, everything he says and does seems like a fraud. You begin to wonder how you ever believed his deceptions. (We have heard this time and time again from many, many people. The same can be said about several members of the boe.) But then, looking around, you realize that everyone else continues to be taken in by his act, as if they are hypnotized by the sound of his voice.

Welcome to the strange and dangerous world of a two-faced bully.

Deceitful behaviors

A two-faced bully outwardly pretends to support you while secretly undermining you. His warm personality or soft-spoken manner hides his destructive intentions, including a take-no-prisoners attitude should you oppose him/her. After lulling you into complacency, he verbally stabs you in the back, usually when you least expect it. (Seen this done time and again.)

Public vs. private words

A two-faced bully is positive and supportive in public, but negative and overly critical in private. (We cannot let these rogues get in. They will destroy everything we have accomplished!) Others sing praises of his virtue, vision, good humor and leadership, while you are suffering from his frequent attempts to intimidate and belittle you.

Rumor-monger

Let’s say you are standing your ground against a particularly nasty bully and he decides to bring out the big guns. Before you know it, you overhear co-workers belittling you in a private conversation. What happened?

There is a good chance you have been the target of rumor-mongering. Although a bully commonly undermines you behind your back to reduce your power, he spreads damaging rumors when he wants to weaken you permanently. These range from inaccurate criticisms of your character to malicious accusations of wrong-doing. (This has been made evident by many people at election time)

Attacks your character

By frequently repeating unwarranted negative comments about you, he tries to set perceptions before you can explain your actions. Over time, his persistent attacks can undermine your reputation and convince others that you are bad for the company. (See previous comment in red.)

To accomplish this, he unfairly criticizes you behind your back by giving an inaccurate account of a recent event. He attacks the quality of your work, without any factual basis, by giving noteworthy or humorous examples of your mistakes. He implies you have bad intentions by misquoting you, or tells stories that wrongly characterize you as lazy, incompetent, dishonest, destructive or misguided. (See previous comment in red.) He may even suggest you have personal or emotional problems.

Uses distortions and lies as he spreads rumors about you

A rumor-monger treats half-truths and hearsay as damning evidence. He distorts the meaning of comments made by others, thus converting innocent observations into harsh criticisms. He repeats statements from obviously biased sources, prefacing the rumor with praise of the source’s character. If necessary, he even makes up lies about you. (Noooo! Say it ain't so!)

Passive-aggressive

A workplace bully may be aggressive towards you by things he doesn’t do. By not doing something that would normally occur, he can insult you and weaken you, with a potentially serious impact on your ability to move forward with your career.

Cuts you out of the loop

At his worst, a passive-aggressive bully keeps you in the dark about new strategies, projects and employees, perhaps by excluding you from office communication (email, meetings, informal conversations, lunches). He effectively exiles you from his clique, possibly resulting in your termination.

Through methods like these, passive-aggressive behavior represents one of the most diabolical forms of workplace bullying.

Identifying a Toxic Workplace

Does your company confront aggressive people about inappropriate behaviors? Does it warn bullies about dealing fairly with others and following core values? Does it investigate charges of backstabbing and manipulation?

If so, consider yourself fortunate. You are in a healthy workplace, with people in power who will support you in your fight with a bully.

On the other hand, do they turn a blind eye to bullying? (YES!) Do they encourage or reward bullying behaviors? (YES!) Does a workplace bully usually get his way? (YES!) Is bullying behavior the norm rather than the exception? (YES, YES, YES!!!! In the board room, in the classroom, in the office, on the bus...it's accepted EVERYWHERE!)

In that case, you are probably in a toxic workplace. Even if you aren’t directly bullied, the fumes may get you.

This section will help you determine whether your workplace is toxic.

The dominant culture of your workplace has a huge impact on your ability to effectively deal with a workplace bully. Don’t even think about fighting a bully until you get a handle on the larger environment. (So true! It needs to begin at the board level, only most don't see that.)

Signs of a toxic workplace

In a toxic workplace, dysfunctional attitudes and emotions seem to permeate the atmosphere.

1. Widespread anger and frustration

Are co-workers frequently in a foul mood? Are anger and frustration widespread? Do disenchanted employees outnumber enthusiastic ones? These are clear signs that your company’s atmosphere is toxic. (We're guessing so due to the recent institute day topic.)

In this situation, nothing realistic is being done to improve morale. (You got that right!) Any efforts to make your company a better place to work seem superficial, even ironic (like having the workplace bully head up the committee to improve morale). (We could not have said this better!)

Turnover is usually high in a toxic workplace, with the most talented people quitting. (Yup, so true!)

2. Workplace bully is admired

Is the company culture to admire the winners, regardless of their tactics? Is the bully widely respected (Only by some of the boe who turn a blind eye to this behavior), despite his inappropriate behavior, as an aggressive, competitive leader? When a bully loses control of his temper or intentionally embarrasses a subordinate, do others justify his actions as strong management, or even dismiss them as irrelevant?

3. Scapegoats are found to take the blame

Does blaming others seem like a blood sport in your company?

In a toxic workplace, a bully “explains” a mistake by castigating someone else. (Loves throwing other people under the bus!!) He thus dodges any responsibility for his actions (although he may acknowledge he used poor judgment in hiring the scapegoat).

A bully’s habit of blaming others can cause serious, persistent problems. (graduation, legislation, reporters, etc.) By not acknowledging his role in causing mistakes, he finds no answers that can prevent mistakes in the future. And by blaming the innocent, he causes valuable employees to quit. This, in turn, overburdens the remaining personnel, resulting in more failures.

Scapegoats may continue to be blamed long after they’ve left the company. He can use two or three ex-employees to explain a whole host of problems, since they are no longer around to explain how the bully was actually at fault.

4. Dysfunctional processes

In a toxic company, processes tend to be dysfunctional, particularly if a workplace bully helps create them. (SBG, STI, new assessments, further attempts, new report cards, new grading system, etc.)

In this situation, company procedures don’t make sense, making it difficult to get things done. (Tell us about it!) Management reviews are an unnecessary burden, with many reports that don’t have any meaning. (So true! Just ask the staff!) For any given task, the established process appears illogical. You hear “That’s the way we’ve always done it” (We have heard the former statement at least a million times over the years!) rather than “There’s always room for improvement.”

Vague objectives and arbitrary deadlines

There are no clear objectives, so it can be tough to determine what’s important and what isn’t. At times, you find yourself buried with work that appears to be completely unnecessary. It is never clear how and why things are done around the company. (We've heard this time and again from staff members.)

Your boss routinely makes decisions that impact you without seeking your input. Deadlines are never established based on logical scheduling of larger goals, but instead appear arbitrary. No matter how often his subordinates complain, your boss never extends unrealistic deadlines, adding to the general frustration.

Meaningless solutions from ineffective management

In order to create the impression that personnel issues are being addressed, upper management sets up a committee to investigate specific problems and suggest solutions. (Synergenics) But the results are based on the premise that the employees aren’t very sophisticated and can be easily appeased. Input from employees is discounted or ignored and clueless managers rely on their own misapprehensions. Because the process is dysfunctional, the results are meaningless. (We could have told them that without spending thousands of dollars.)

Let’s say, for example, that a committee is formed to investigate low morale and declining productivity. But since the workplace is toxic, the committee won’t have the authority to investigate the bully. Even worse, a bully may be on the committee. Or the committee must first report to a high level executive who is one of the bullies (“Well, our surprising conclusion is that you are the cause of declining morale.” No, I can’t see that happening either.) (Wouldn't that be nice?)

Since they must ignore the impact of bullying on morale, they instead turn to “creative” ideas. (Synergenics) Perhaps they find some popular solution to “make employees feel better about themselves.” This could include a patronizing “Extra Special Person” award, meaningless interdepartmental competitions or irrelevant offsite training seminars (“As soon as everyone learns proper time-management techniques,” they tell one another, “productivity and morale will go way up. We’ll even give them free planning notebooks.”)

Unintended consequence: worsening morale

In the end, these solutions tend to be counterproductive. Not only do they fail to deal with the bully, but the premise--employees don’t realize the real problem--is fatally flawed. By pushing a meaningless, ineffective solution to morale, employees feel they are being treated like children, or as second-class citizens. Morale deteriorates even further, and high employee turnover is often the result.

On the other hand, after most employees leave and are replaced with fresh faces, morale will be good once again. That is until bullying again takes its toll and a new dysfunctional committee is appointed and again ignores the real cause of the problem (one symptom of a company run by a bully). (Is our company/boe run by a bully?)

5. Dysfunctional relationships

How do employees relate to one another at your company? In a toxic workplace, everyone seems to struggle with relationships. Misunderstandings are common, leading to frustration, anger and inefficiency. Gossip and criticism are the norm, and cliques lead to favoritism and feuding. (That's why they had to devote several days to Synergenics.)

Noticeably absent in a toxic workplace are clear and straightforward conversations. You rarely see a quick resolution of relationship issues, and bad feelings may linger for months, or even years. (You ain't kidding. Get over it!!)

6. Dysfunctional meetings

Do meetings at your company feel like a waste of time? (YES!) Are they dominated by dull monologues and meaningless reports? (YES!!) Do they provide workplace bullies a forum to rant, rave and manipulate? (YES!!) Are reasonable people intimidated into silence? (That's the goal.)

If so, you are experiencing the living hell of dysfunctional meetings. (YA THINK?)

Topics are meaningless

In a toxic workplace, those who dominate meetings seem to prefer to discuss vague platitudes instead of underlying problems. They focus on theory rather than dealing with reality. By ignoring the real problems facing the company, they fail to accomplish anything of substance. The main impact of meetings is the loss of productive time from your day. Your dominant thought as you leave tends to be “There’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back.” (How ‘bout it!)

Bully is allowed to dominate meetings

A workplace bully tends to dominate meetings through his aggressive conversational style, including giving monologues, arguing, criticizing, interrupting and raising his voice. He uses generalizations, innuendo and presuppositions without being challenged. He stifles open discussions and prevents any progress, except to further his own agenda. He may even use a meeting to embarrass, ridicule and humiliate his opponents. (We had to highlight this. The board president needs to take notice of this. And now with a certain someone back, there will be even more of the same.)

In a toxic workplace, any complaints about the bully’s domination of meetings will likely fall upon deaf ears. In fact, his aggressive tactics are more likely to be admired by upper management (BOE).

7. Obvious hypocrisy in the company

A toxic workplace nearly always includes widespread hypocrisy. Executives (and district leaders) are unlikely to acknowledge the serious problems plaguing their company, instead promoting the fiction of a healthy work environment run by enlightened management. Bullies are euphemistically described as highly competitive individuals who are becoming strong leaders.

Management fads

Executives in a toxic company often overcompensate by adopting faddish management approaches (SBG), as if propaganda is an effective tool to overcome reality. The result may be aggressively promoted company values that don’t seem to match day-to-day events.

For example, clear communication is preached in elaborate seminars while poor communication continues to be the norm. Valuing and respecting others is publicized in the company mission statement (protocols), or on framed motivational posters in the break room, but undermining and belittling others seems pervasive. Everyone is told to make company goals/protocols their first priority and adopt a spirit of teamwork, but internal competition dominates. Worst of all, the most consistent violators of company values are the most highly rewarded. (Again, we had to highlight this. Every member of the boe should take note of this)

Bully as preacher

A workplace bully can be quite outspoken in preaching company values, pressuring others to modify their behavior (making bullying a goal) even as he consistently violates those values. Rather than being punished for his violations, the bully is rewarded for his outward image of leadership. (He/she is so amazing-we are lucky to have them!) In the rare event he is reprimanded for breaking company values, it is ineffective and ultimately meaningless. In this manner, upper management’s hypocritical attempts to improve the work environment are exploited by a clever bully, leading to further deterioration of morale.

Clueless or evil management

Even when the hypocrisy seems obvious to everyone, upper management seems unaware of the contradictions between what is said and what is done. (Bullying takes place at all levels. Pay attention to the premise of your GOAL. It’s not just for kids!) Maybe they want you to guess whether they are hopelessly unaware or utterly lacking in integrity. (We think it's the latter.)

8. Overly restrictive systems for controlling people

A workplace bully usually thrives by controlling others. He prefers a workplace with dehumanizing systems, offering him more opportunities to tightly control their behavior.

Companies fall into this mode of operation by designing and implementing overly detailed operational systems. These include overly detailed policies, procedures and job descriptions and performance evaluations. (Bingo!)

Toxic vs. enlightened workplace

In a toxic workplace, employees are criticized and punished for failing to meet established criteria, regardless of whether the item makes any sense. Common sense is not considered as a meaningful factor.

In a more enlightened environment, the emphasis is on training employees to achieve excellence, and on providing them with appropriate techniques and tools. In effect, the systems are subordinated to the employees. In a toxic workplace, it is the other way around: the employees are subordinated to the systems, based on the premise that people can’t be trusted to think for themselves, and they can’t learn to do their job skillfully and reliably.

Bully as a superior being

A bully also feels justified in creating and implementing highly detailed systems due to his advanced intellect and superior judgment. The systems allow him to control the actions of others, thus overcoming their inferiority and incompetence.

In accordance with his character, a bully uses the operational system as an excuse to badger his subordinates and control his peers. Ultimately, this becomes another weapon in his arsenal of intimidation, adding to his power in the company.

Initiative-killers

Once operational systems are in place, employees are criticized for taking any initiative, such as modifying the approach or eliminating unnecessary tasks. It doesn’t seem to matter that these changes would make the company operate more efficiently--if the bully doesn’t originate the idea, it isn’t even considered. (How true!)

Arguments for totalitarian controls

When challenged by more enlightened colleagues, a bully adamantly defends this approach. He explains that operational systems are absolutely necessary to maintain discipline, productivity and quality control. He complains that without these systems, employees would not be held accountable for their actions. He may launch into a long-winded description of a former employer that used these systems, or refers to sophisticated management studies, offering quotes and statistics to prove his point.

During his monologue, he conveniently omits the fact that his approach goes far beyond common-sense management concepts, such as thorough work plans and checklists, and into the realm of totalitarian control, with harsh penalties for trivial non-compliance. By converting intelligent methods into dogmatic approaches, he bastardizes the purpose of management systems.

In this toxic situation, only mindless task-oriented workers are rewarded. And if they learn to be completely submissive to the bully, they are praised as model employees.

9. Incompetent or powerless board of education

In a toxic workplace, BOE are either unable or unwilling to deal with rampant workplace bullying.

Signs of an incompetent or powerless (with respect to bullying) boe include an inability to respond effectively to bullying incidents, refusal to treat complaints as valid and significant, or criticizing the complainer without understanding the situation. The boe would rather not confront the bully, so instead asks you to change your behavior to accommodate the bully.

Failure to recognize or address the problem

An incompetent boe treats the problem as caused equally by bully and complainer, with no recognition of the bully’s intentionally destructive behavior. In an attempt to rationalize an unpleasant situation, the boe dismisses overly aggressive behavior as "mood swings,” or labels bullying as an “ordinary personality conflict.” It is up to you to resolve the situation.

And if bullying is acknowledged, there is no follow-up on requests for a bully to modify his behavior--perhaps because the primary goal is to pacify the complainer, not change the bully.

BOE manipulated by a skilled bully

How can the boe fail to deal with workplace bullying?

In some cases, they lack familiarity with bullying and its negative impact on employees and productivity. A boe leader may misinterpret the situation, failing to properly research and evaluate the circumstances. Or he may be misled by a bully’s guile.

Let’s say a target (hmmm, maybe a six year old hispanic girl or a homeless family) complains about a series of bullying incidents. A skilled bully can convince a board of ed that his bullying behaviors were fully justified by circumstances, or by the failings of the complainer. In the end, the target of bullying gets blamed, either as the instigator or as a whiner. (Wow, if only certain people would realize how true this is!)

After two or three incidents, the boe will perceive the target as a chronic complainer. After that, all future bullying of that target, even when obvious and severe, is likely to be ignored. In this manner, a boe can contribute to the toxicity of a workplace.

HR intimidated by an entrenched bully

A board of education may honor a bully’s leadership in the company. If a bully is clearly respected by upper management, confronting him carries huge risks. It makes more sense to side with the bully, blaming the target.

For example, let's say a bully convinces the boe president that his department will deliver an enormous increase in ~~profits~~ test scores, but it requires a “tough management” approach. If the president is committed to the bully, the boe will probably avoid interfering.

When the boe president believes her own job would be at risk if he makes an enemy of a powerful bully, you probably won’t see any meaningful action to address the underlying problem.

We could go on and on with how to identify a workplace bully. Everyone knows there is an elephant in the room. But unless people are ready to take a stand and put their actions into words, nothing in this district will ever change. The time is now. Let’s make it happen!!

Everyone's Voice - What have you got to say?

Friday, October 28, 2011

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Loving the Sunshine!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Email

Correlation

Monday, October 24, 2011

A Spirited Debate

New Ideas

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Objections to Board Appointment!

The DoingsWestern Springs

Objections to Pleasantdale District 107 board appointment

By Sandy Illian Bosch October 21, 2011 4:44PM

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Staying True to the Mission...Bullying!

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