This is a long but worthy post. Thanks to all for your input!!
Bullying
is one of Pleasantdale's district "goals" this year. We suppose what
they might mean is anti-bullying. While this goal is meant for the students, it
really needs to start at the top of the Pleasantdale food chain. Teachers,
staff, parents and even some board members are bullied on a daily basis; hung
out to dry, by the two biggest bullies in town.
Why
does this continue you ask? Why doesn't anyone stop it? Well, the only real
answer is because it is allowed, ignored and permeated by those whose goal is
to stop it: namely your school board.
We
have recently been looking into an adult form of bullying called bullying in a
workplace (such as a school district) and below you will find information from a website
called kickbully.com that discusses workplace bullying. The words in red are our
commentary. We hope by bringing this to light, it will raise awareness and
lead to change.
Bullies, backstabbers and manipulators
Is there someone at your workplace who makes you
feel anxious, frustrated or angry? (Yes!) Does that person seem intent on controlling your behavior against
your will? (Yes!) Does he belittle, embarrass or even humiliate you? (Yes!) With most people, if you
make the effort, you can usually get along. Problems arise and are solved. But
what if your boss, or one of your co-workers, resists any attempt to have a
normal, mutually respectful working relationship? Maybe he is overly critical
or micromanaging. He seems intent on intimidating or controlling you. Or he
appears to support you one day, then undermines you the next. You find yourself
on an emotional roller-coaster. You feel confused and manipulated. You feel
like you are alone in an increasingly painful struggle against his clever,
self-serving, destructive behaviors. Your job has become an ordeal and there
seems to be no way out.
If this is your situation, then you are probably
dealing with a workplace bully.
What is a workplace bully?
On its surface, bullying is a simple concept. A
strong person acts harshly towards someone weaker, and the bullying is blatant
and habitual. It includes browbeating and threatening, verbal abuse and
yelling. Everyone recognizes that person as a bully. (So true!!)
Obvious bullies ultimately fail
An obvious bully is noisy, overly aggressive
and blatant in his attempts to force others to comply with his will.
Resist him and he attacks like an ill-bred pitbull. In some toxic
workplaces, he may survive for years, or even become a high-level executive. But
usually he will get himself fired. His nasty over-the-top bullying is just too
obvious. This simple, stupid version of bullying is rarely a path to sustained
success in the American workplace.
Beware the clever bully
Because of this, a successful workplace bully is
usually much cleverer in his tactics. He rarely resembles the stereotype. His
methods are very subtle, disguised with all the right behaviors. In that lies
his treachery. People respect and trust him, and he quietly betrays their trust
whenever necessary to fulfill his ambitions. For him, the end always justifies
the means. And if the bully is particularly good at this, no one except his
victims sees the betrayals. In some cases, not even the victims realize what
has happened.
It gets worse and worse...
To make matters worse, a highly skilled bully
usually has the dedication, focus and business acumen to create success, or at
least the appearance of success. Then he/she is honored and promoted, held up
as an example of a district-centric leader. He is rewarded while the frustration builds among
the targets of his bullying and intimidating, backstabbing and manipulating. For
them, life has become an upside-down hell.
Beyond the traditional definition of
"bully"
A skilled, clever bully displays an elaborate,
complex set of behaviors to exploit people around him. Those who only consider
bullying to be blatantly aggressive behavior are missing the point. Any
habitual pattern of intentional, socially cruel behavior is bullying, including
the subtle tactics of deceit, distortion, misreprentation and misdirection.
When the penalty for resisting someone is destruction of your position and
reputation, it’s fair to describe that person as a bully. Using this broad
definition, bullying has reached epidemic proportions in the American
workplace.
Accidental vs. intentional bullying
Not everyone who displays bullying behaviors can
truly be described as a workplace bully. If someone has genuine concern for
your well-being, he may be attempting to influence your behavior for your own
good. Just because you don’t like his approach doesn’t make him a bully. Or
someone may yell at you in frustration. But perhaps he lacks emotional maturity
and is overreacting to a stressful situation. An isolated incident doesn’t
prove bullying. Good-hearted people often make mistakes. In contrast, a
workplace bully has self-serving goals with a complete lack of respect or
caring for others, who he never considers as equals. And among these moral and
intellectual inferiors, he feels free to use any means necessary to gain
compliance. It is his perpetual intention to dominate those he considers to be
weak, naive, unaware or otherwise susceptible to his guile.
Complex and dangerous bullies
More dangerous is the skilled workplace
bully. He combines two or more of these aggressive personality types, then
cleverly disguises his true nature under an image of success and leadership.
Once you have suffered at the hands of a
skilled bully, you are more likely to understand his true character. Typically,
he is highly ambitious. To achieve his goals, he needs the cooperation of
others; however, he doesn’t believe in fair exchange. Instead, he charms others
for the purpose of controlling them and uses camaraderie to encourage loyalty.
If necessary, he exploits weaknesses in others to change their behavior. At the
same time, he preaches teamwork and professes company values to enhance his
reputation, or pretends to pursue company goals to boost his power. He is a
master manipulator, constantly using stealth and deception to influence the
thinking of those around him. And he does all this while intimidating,
undermining and slandering everyone who stands in the way of his self-serving
ambitions. With a skilled bully, nothing is ever as it appears.
The greatest challenge: covert bullies
Although it can be difficult to defend
yourself against an obvious bully, it is usually a far greater challenge to
deal with a well-disguised bully. We will focus our attention on these charming
and powerful manipulators who attempt to bring you under their control by
employing a broad spectrum of bullying strategies and techniques. My goal is
prepare you for the worst type of bullying, and then if your nemesis turns out
to be a weaker or less effective workplace bully, it should be easier to
neutralize him.
Who are workplace bullies’ targets?
Although anyone may be targeted by a
workplace bully, he typically chooses people who are currently under his
authority, or who offer some type of weakness that he can exploit. Being a boss
means responsibility and power, including power over subordinates. This
naturally provides opportunities to intimidate, manipulate and dominate others.
When the boss is a bully, he exploits the situation. If he is ambitious, he
believes he can better achieve his career goals through controlling his
subordinates. But a bully may also manipulate others who can contribute to his
advancement, from the newest employee who unknowingly spreads malicious rumors,
to the president of the company who falls for the bully’s clever deceptions. Anyone
who comes in contact with a workplace bully may become a target of his
bullying, although he usually saves his worst behavior for those closest to
him.
What
do workplace bullies want?
Power and success
Most bullies have an intense desire to
control others. This usually arises from a self-centered, self-absorbed drive
to gain power and prestige, and career and financial success. Well-adjusted
people may have a similar single-minded purpose, but know they must achieve
success through integrity and fair exchange with others. Their honest character
demands it. But bullies, in their distorted value system, somehow feel they can
only achieve great things by manipulating, intimidating or otherwise forcing
others to submit to their will.
Ego-gratification
A bully may also have an insatiable hunger
for ego gratification, which causes him to constantly strive to be admired and
respected, or even feared, by others. An ego-hungry bully wants to be honored
for his achievements, to be recognized as wise and strong. Some workplace
bullies enjoy dominating others. They get an ego-boost from the experience of
cleverly manipulating people into complying with their desires. Afterwards,
they bask in their intellectual superiority and political savvy, perhaps
telling stories of their victories over uncooperative peers and subordinates.
Lord and master
Ultimately, a highly successful bully finds
personal fulfillment in exercising power over others within the competitive
environment of the workplace, where he has become lord of all he surveys.
Workplace Bully as Master
Manipulator
A skilled workplace bully is usually an expert
at manipulation. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, he influences
and controls others. Like a clever politician, a manipulative workplace bully
keeps his desires hidden. Pretending to pursue the greater good, he adopts the
mantra of “district mission first” with a fervency that
inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his claims of selfless
pursuit of noble causes. But underneath his self-righteous image lies the
essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to
control how you feel, think and behave.
Plays mind games to distort the thinking
of others
A bully creates an alternative reality in
the minds of those around him. He keeps people off-balance through half-truths,
hearsay and misstatements. His distorted version of events is intended to obscure
and confuse. He intentionally misleads you so that you arrive at an incorrect
conclusion, and then exposes your mistaken opinion as proof of your ignorance
or unreliability.
A workplace bully’s followers
To become powerful, a workplace bully needs
many supporters. He is proficient in identifying people who can be controlled
by charm or guile, intimidation or manipulation.
A bully tests you
As you become acquainted with a skilled
bully, he tests you to determine if you will become a follower or an opponent.
At first, he challenges you with mild verbal criticism. Or he invades your
personal space by standing too close and hovering behind you in your work area.
If you silently endure his behavior, he concludes that you tend to avoid
confrontation. By learning your emotional hot buttons, he positions himself to
gain power over you.
With him or against him
On the other hand, if you seem unlikely to
become a loyal follower, he concludes you are a threat to his success and
begins plotting ways to discredit you, to diminish your influence over others
and to reduce any power you have in the company.
He prevents your communication (Say it ain’t so!!)
If you are outspoken, he excludes
you... He insists that all discussions must go up the chain of command (through
him). And if you complain about his behavior, he launches an all-out attack on
your character.
Bullying behaviors may be couched in humiliation and
iterative programs or protocols framed as being in the best
interests of employee (board) development and coaching. (This is why our board of education is mired in protocols. Violations
of the protocols abound. Protocols are a method of bullying!)
Exploits subordinates to outshine
his peers
He uses empty promises or subtle threats to
get his subordinates to work long hours, then takes personal credit for
motivating them to make extreme sacrifices. He thus claims to possess superior
leadership skills. When members of his department become disgruntled, he begins
to systematically ruin their reputation, eventually firing them. (How many teachers have
quit or been let go?) If someone mentions
the high rate of turnover in his department, he downplays the significance, or
he blames someone else for the problem. “They’re leaving,” he may tell the school board, “because you won’t let me pay them as much as
they can earn elsewhere.” (Do they conduct exit interviews? Nope!)
Arrogance
An arrogant nature is frequently the
defining characteristic of a workplace bully. Basically, he feels superior to
those around him. He exaggerates his own importance while belittling the
importance of others; or he admires his own skills while disrespecting the
skills of others. He has contempt for anyone he considers less powerful or less
intelligent than him (in other words, just about everyone he knows). With a
smug, overbearing demeanor, he dismisses the viewpoints of peers and
subordinates as unworthy of his attention. He believes he is right and anyone
who disagrees with him is wrong. He assumes you will recognize his superior
intelligence, experience and judgment, and you will soon accept his point of
view. When you don’t, he concludes you are stubborn, confused, biased or
slow-witted (“moron” and “idiot” are labels he might apply to you behind your back).
Self-glorifying
A highly confident bully is usually very
outspoken in praising his own accomplishments (test scores). He
is positive and enthusiastic when describing his performance, minimizing any
mistakes or blaming them on the failures of others. (Ever hear the spin when
the scores go down?) He
seems to have an anecdote for every occasion, usually featuring himself in the
role of the clever hero. He may launch into long monologues about his past
successes. In contrast, when describing the performance of others, a
self-glorifying bully becomes skeptical or even cynical. He belittles their
accomplishments as insignificant, or even a step in the wrong direction. When
someone else’s accomplishment is too obvious to criticize, he remains silent or
is superficially congratulatory, soon shifting the attention back to himself
and his contributions to the company.
Strong-willed
A successful workplace bully is typically
very strong-willed. Never seeming satisfied, he constantly pressures you to
change your thinking, yield to his objectives and fulfill his demands. His
drive to succeed is often at the root of his desire to dominate others.
Pushy to an extreme
No matter how much you give him, he always
wants more. He demands extreme actions and commitments. He is constantly
pushing his proposals, often seeming to shove his ideas down the throats of
others. He stops at nothing in ruthless pursuit of his personal goals. (Does SBG ring a bell?)
Increasingly demanding over time
He assumes you will ultimately surrender to
his demands, so he keeps pushing. Once you cave in, he begins making greater
demands, knowing that you tend to submit when adequately pressured. He never
seems satisfied, always demanding more and more from you. (Meetings, meetings, meetings!)
Narrow-minded
He insists that only his suggestions are
reasonable. In his contempt for the ideas and suggestions of others, he
ridicules any alternatives to his plan. He belittles creative discussions as a
waste of time, sniping at the ideas of others to intimidate them into silence. When
his behavior is challenged, he pompously claims to be the only one who is
taking a serious approach to the matter. In his narrow-mindedness, he believes
that he alone possesses a clear sense of purpose, and thus he is justified in
imposing his will upon others.
Dominates meetings to achieve his
objectives
A strong-willed bully exploits meetings
to persuade and control others. He uses his aggressive, outspoken personality
to dominate the discussion. For example, he insists that everyone give full
attention to his ideas, but sidetracks any discussion of the ideas of
others. (How about when certain people feign confusion?
"I don’t understand what you want.") He doesn’t
participate in group give-and-take exchanges, except perhaps to shout down a
stubborn opponent. (Ever see the board president get nudged to shut someone up?) When he doesn’t get his way, he becomes angry. When others
don’t listen to him, he launches a verbal tirade. When someone presents an
opposing viewpoint, he interferes through the silent use of aggressive body
language, such as constantly frowning, glaring at the speaker, using facial
expressions that express his disgust, sighing frequently, rolling his
eyes, aggressively fidgeting (such as tapping his fingers or writing notes), suddenly dropping his arms on the
table in obvious disgust, or just sitting there with arms crossed (a wrinkled brow) or sour look on his face. Or he
ends a meeting after he has presented his ideas, before others have spoken
fully. When he can’t end a meeting, he looks for an excuse to leave. (or reminds the meeting facilitator that we have to stay on
schedule) And if he can’t leave when he wants, he
repeatedly attempts to change the subject; or he tries to distract others by
joking around, holding whispered conversations or checking messages on his cell
phone.
Attacks you personally if you
question his proposal
When he thinks you are attacking his
ideas, he attacks you personally. He may imply you have selfish motives, or
suggest you are experiencing a lapse in judgment. If that doesn’t stop you, he
becomes visibly frustrated and expresses disappointment with your behavior,
perhaps saying: “I expected you, of all people, to support a plan that is so
obviously good for the company.” If you continue to express opposition, he
becomes angry at your narrow-minded thinking or discounts your knowledge and
experience. (Boy, have we seen this a time or two!) Or he tries to destroy your credibility by belittling your
character and intelligence.
He may also encourage others to attack
you. He asks them leading questions--he already knows their likely response--to
elicit criticism. Alternatively, he repeats negative comments someone had said
in private. For example, he says: “I’ve had others tell me you’re stubborn.”
But those negative comments were carefully elicited by the bully solely for the
purpose of attacking you at a meeting.
Tries to win every point
A strong-willed bully considers it
essential to win every point in a discussion. Rather than expose himself to
criticism for making an occasional mistake, he defends even his most
unrealistic ideas. He doesn’t want to become a victim of one of his favorite
attacks: berating someone for a minor, irrelevant error in an otherwise
plausible opinion (not realizing normal people would never pursue such a
meaningless point). He also views any argument as a battle of wills, seeking to
prove himself right at all costs, thus showing others that he possesses
superior intellect and judgment. Through his take-no-prisoners attitude, he
believes he can enhance his reputation and strengthen his power in the district/community.
Enforces his will by creating urgent
deadlines
A strong-willed bully readily agrees to
unreasonable deadlines. He typically underestimates time requirements in order
to pressure his subordinates to work excessive overtime. He uses deadlines to
push others to comply with his ambitious plans. (Assessments must be
completed by the end of April!) When subordinates
unite in opposing an impossible deadline, he refuses to request an extension.
He may even respond with a motivational speech, such as: “I know you can get it
done; it’s just going to take a little overtime.” In describing his behavior
to the school board, he portrays himself as a strong leader, perhaps saying: “I
really had to turn up the heat, but that’s what it takes sometimes to get the
job done.” He also exploits urgent deadlines to pressure you to make quick
decisions, before getting all the facts. When you try to delay a decision until
you can properly research and evaluate the issue, he attacks you with demeaning
comments.
Argumentative
An argumentative bully doesn’t believe
in the fair exchange of ideas based on logical reasoning and common-sense
interpretation, but instead feels compelled to force his opinions on others. He
accomplishes this, to a great extent, by disputing any ideas in opposition to
his own, or discrediting anyone who presents those ideas. As part of his
argumentative approach, he seeks to gain the upper hand through a variety of
tactics.
Disagrees with everything you say
When he asks you a question, he rarely
accepts your answer. He is always challenging and contradicting your ideas.
Even when he actually agrees with you, he responds in a combative manner.
Communication is mostly talking
His communication style is to dominate
every conversation. He offers a variety of anecdotes, stories, facts and data
to convince others, but is impatient when his opponents offer “irrelevant” or
“unreliable” information (that is, anything that contradicts him). When he
appears to seriously consider the viewpoints of others, he is merely gathering
information for use in a counterargument. Because he has no genuine interest in
your ideas, he never truly engages in a two-way conversation.
Obscures your viewpoint
When you argue with him, he misrepresents
your viewpoint, and then discredits this straw man position. Or he attacks an
unimportant detail of your viewpoint--one in which you actually are wrong--to
discredit your overall position. He suggests that one mistake in your facts
reveals the overall errors of your thinking.
Even worse, he implies that you
intentionally misled everyone. At the extreme, he accuses you of lying because
you said something in the past that turned out to be false, ignoring the
obvious logic that you weren’t lying if you said what you believed to be true
at the time. To support his absurd charge, he may claim you possessed
information unavailable to others.
By convincing others you are biased, narrow-minded and
occasionally deceptive, he prevents them from understanding your viewpoint. in
this manner, he eliminates any opposition to his ideas. (A skill that has been perfected to a T!)
Misinterprets what you say
An argumentative bully misinterprets others
as a matter of habit. This tends to keep everyone around him off-balance,
allowing him to argue more effectively for his own ideas.
During conversations, he attacks something
you don’t remember saying, usually because he took it out of context or
misinterpreted your meaning. After characterizing your thinking in an incorrect
manner, he ignores your attempts to correct him, or wrongly accuses you of
possessing a flawed memory.
He may also use the tactic of
misinterpretation to intimidate or embarrass you. For example, in a sarcastic
tone of voice, he inaccurately paraphrases your position: “Oh, so you’re
suggesting _____. Well, that would do a lot of good.”
Misinterpreting others is a favorite tactic of successful
manipulators. (Wow, we couldn't have
said it better!)
Side-steps your valid points, rather than
debating logically
An argumentative bully won’t address the
substance of the issue, but instead brings up unrelated ideas. Or he restates
his prior points so the discussion goes around in circles.
When you argue with irrefutable logic, he
counters with authoritative quotes and stories that he claims support his
position. He refuses to be drawn into an intelligent discussion based on
commonly understood or verifiable facts. To support his opinions, he prefers to
use information known only to him (which is why a bully spends so much time
talking about his unique work experiences, usually consisting of unverifiable
information).
Easily feels threatened and goes on the
offensive
When you seem to question his ideas, he becomes angry. If
you appear to support an alternative viewpoint, he attacks you. He goes on the
offense to avoid defending his ideas, since a serious discussion could reveal
flaws in his thinking. (Has someone ever gotten into
a person's face before, screaming and yelling? The answer is yes.)
If you articulate a logical viewpoint, he
tries to derail the conversation, perhaps through an aggressive attack
unrelated to the current topic. This could involve bringing up unrelated issues
to distract others from the soundness of your perspective, or using innuendo to
provoke you into defending yourself.
His goal is to create chaos, then steer the
conversation back to his proposed solutions, effectively shutting out your
point of view.
Pulls rank to silence others
Another method of shutting down opposing viewpoints is for
him to claim superior authority, knowledge or experience. He also may claim a
greater concern and superior commitment to the district's long-term objectives (AKA the Strategic plan.)
He speaks with authority, rattling off
various facts--statistics, financial data, quotes, anecdotes--which he claims
support his position. If you try to point out the irrelevancy or inaccuracy of
his “facts,” he becomes angry and pompously puts you in your place, perhaps asserting
that his past experiences have provided him with clearly superior credentials,
making him uniquely qualified to evaluate and conclude on the issue at hand. In
a torrent of words, he attempts to sweep away all opposition.
Overgeneralizes
He stereotypes you to diminish you and your
role. For example, he describes you as extroverted, introverted, analytical or
conceptual, proving you are limited and biased. In his judgmental manner, he
doesn’t allow for the typical complexity of most people.
He may try to label you with a demeaning
term, such as lazy, unmotivated or disruptive.
Highly critical
A workplace bully may try to keep others on the defensive
through his constant criticism. Eventually, his subordinates feel inferior and
incompetent, as if nothing could ever be enough to please him. Through constant
criticism, he grinds people into submission, or causes them to quit. (How many times have we seen this happen?)
Diminishes your importance
He harps on your mistakes, belittles your
accomplishments and discounts your ideas, all for the purpose of reducing your
importance in the eyes of yourself and others.
Criticizes you indirectly
Using a subtle trick of association, he
attempts to criticize you indirectly. For example, he makes sure everyone knows
about your close alliance with someone else, and then he goes out of his way to
demean that person. Or he belittles your former employer, thus implying your
background is inferior. Alternatively, he may discount the importance of a
project in which you play a major role, or claim one of your past projects was
a failure.
During these attacks, he never once
mentions your name. Even so, he tarnishes your reputation with those too naive
to recognize his manipulation.
Cross-examines you intensely
A highly critical bully uses aggressive questioning to keep
you on the defensive. During this process, he ignores or misunderstands your
explanations. His tone of voice conveys his negative opinion. (This skill has been perfected.)
Or he seems to have an instantly negative reaction to
anything you say. Even when you are merely asking a question--perhaps seeking
to clarify his criticism--he acts as if you are avoiding the issue or shifting
blame. (This one too!)
Shows his disapproval by being impatient
with you
In another indirect method of conveying
criticism, he impatiently does something himself rather than waiting for you
(like the tech guy who impatiently says “Move!” when you can’t follow his
vague, jargon-laced instructions). He may also impatiently cut you off in
conversations, rather than hearing you out and acknowledging your input.
Character assassin
When a workplace bully can’t win with facts and logic, he
may resort to attacking your character. (These
people are radicals and rogues!) At a minimum, his intention is to undermine your
credibility pertaining to a single issue. However, if you are a serious threat
to his future, he may act to seriously damage your reputation or get you fired.
Suggests you are biased
By suggesting you have hidden motives, he attacks your integrity
and reliability. This may cause others to view you with suspicion, weakening
your influence within the company. (A mantra in the most
recent election by the incumbents was to tell everyone that
the opposition candidates had a personal agenda.)
Misleads others to destroy your
reputation
He may distort past events in a manner that portrays you in
a very harsh light. For example, he omits vital information that would explain
your action as wise and appropriate, instead characterizing your action as
vengeful or self-serving. His objective is to paint a negative, distorted
picture of your attitude and objectives. (Another
perfected skill.)
Makes your failures obvious
Once a vengeful bully causes your failures, he is very
diligent in pointing those out, but never with an explanation of extenuating
circumstances. When he needs to justify termination, he tells the school board that he had clear performance objectives, which
the person obviously failed to meet, or that the person was on probation (non-tenured), with this latest assignment acting as a test
case.
If he sees an employee becoming disenchanted, he begins to
discredit you. He never wants a disenchanted employee to expose his unfair
tactics, so he begins the process of discrediting you long before you quit. By
diminishing your credibility, he reduces the risk of the board of education paying attention to your
complaints about his bullying tactics. (They wrote the book on this!)
Perhaps he makes it widely known that you
are failing. During this process, he builds a case for your termination. Then
if you tell others about his harsh behaviors, he fires you (he may even claim
that he had already fired you, before you spoke out). By then, he will have
reduced your credibility to the point that no one takes your complaints
seriously.
If you quit, he suggests you were forced out due to
incompetence. If you quit before he has discredited you, he suggests you
couldn’t handle the job, you didn’t have a good work ethic, you couldn’t get
along with others, you lacked the necessary skills or you just didn’t fit in
with the company culture. When you deny him the satisfaction of firing you, he
makes up for it by destroying your reputation. (Threatens to destroy reputations.
Former staff members have been told they will never work in the
area again)
Charming
A skilled bully charms others to gain their trust. He exudes
warmth and friendship as he smiles and tells jokes and stories, or flatters
those around him. He makes you feel important by offering attention and
approval. (No wonder the new board just loves him!)
His charismatic personality provides an excellent disguise,
resulting in most people readily accepting the fiction of his good intentions
rather than the reality of his self-serving nature. Because of the power of
this disguise, charisma in a covert bully often leads to outstanding success,
as can be observed with numerous public figures. (Ever see certain people giving
him a big ol' hug in public? So inappropriate!)
Obsessed with image
A skilled bully is obsessed with how things
appear to others, even to the point of believing that outward image is more
important than underlying reality. He knows that to prevent others from
discovering the disturbing truth about his character, he must use words to
create an image of integrity, teamwork and leadership.
Suppresses the truth
A bully misleads people by omitting
significant information that would explain the situation and reveal the
underlying reality. When you counter with a fact-based explanation, he
misstates and belittles your viewpoint.
Evasive
A workplace bully can be very slippery (we could not have picked a better word!) when he needs to avoid the truth at all costs.
Avoids the truth about his behavior
An evasive bully never gives a straight answer about his
bullying behavior. He denies his self-serving intentions and acts confused by
complaints about his mistreatment of others. (Another perfect example of what transpires! We've
seen this tactic used by another one of our leaders on many, many occasions.)
When complaints about his behavior persist,
he questions the motives of the complainer. If asked to explain the rationale
for his behavior, he angrily refuses, perhaps becoming belligerent. Or he
flatly denies the specific charges of bullying, rejecting any facts as
fabricated by a vengeful, biased complainer (that is, the target of his
bullying).
Alternatively, he justifies his bullying
behavior as needed to achieve positive goals, or mischaracterizes his
aggressive behavior traits as valid leadership qualities.
Never honest and constructive
An evasive bully is never straightforward,
never tells you his hidden agenda and never reveals his innermost desires. He
would never consider making an effort to fix a relationship by changing his
behavior. If there is an obvious conflict with you, he prevents it from being
surfaced and resolved openly, preferring to undermine you behind your back.
Shifts the focus to others
An evasive bully asserts that the problem is with others,
not him/herself. By criticizing you, he/she avoids discussing his own
behaviors. Or he/she accuses you of behaviors far worse than his, saying that
you triggered his bad behavior because you created a situation in which he/she
had no choice but to behave the way he/she did. He may even claim he is the one
who is being victimized (another hidden behavior trait). (True!)
Plays the victim
A bully acts like a victim in order to manipulate others
into submitting to his desires. This can be a very effective technique in a
company that emphasizes trust, respect, teamwork and fair treatment of
others. (We've seen this tactic
used by another of our district leasders as well.) In effect, he is abusing the virtue of his fellow
workers, much like a con man steals from good Samaritans.
Self-righteous
In order to conceal his corrupt character
and ruthless ambitions, a workplace bully claims the moral and ethical high
ground. Alternatively, a delusional bully may actually be convinced he
possesses superior virtue, and that his noble objectives fully justify
deceiving and mistreating others. Either way, his self-righteous manner is a
constant force, often leading to bullying behaviors.
He is good, others are bad
A self-righteous bully implies he is a good
person, but others are ill-intentioned and devious. He tells stories that
demonstrate his own goodness and highlight the questionable motives of others.
Superior motives
He characterizes his intentions as highly unselfish, while
suggesting that others are seeking their own selfish ends. He suggests that
unlike others in the company, he has the employees’ best interests in
mind. (Again, people that
challenge are said to have hidden agendas.)
When speaking at a meeting, he appeals to nobler motives, which
of course coincide with his own objectives. In order to show he is more devoted
to the company than anyone else, he quotes the company’s vision and
values (and mission statement. So nauseating!)
Pompous
A pompous bully pretends to be a strong leader, when in fact
he is a smug, self-satisfied, self-important, pretentious, bombastic,
ego-absorbed, ego-indulgent braggart. These elements of his personality are a
major cause of his manipulative and overbearing approach to dealing with
others. (Wow, those are some
strong words!)
Demeans others
He doesn’t treat you as an equal, but instead acts as if you
are unimportant and powerless. He is condescending in words, tone of voice and
mannerisms. He seems to enjoy feeling superior to you. (Almost the entire board of ed. does this when it comes to how they treat newcomers.)
Meeting hog
A pompous bully often exploits meetings
to pump up his ego. When he is speaking, a major objective is to demonstrate
his superior intellect. Using high-sounding phrases, industry lingo or obscure
technical references, (edu-speak) he lectures others on the best way to accomplish things. He speaks
extensively about his successes (test scores), even when others were primarily responsible. Grandstanding
is second nature to him. (November is testing report month.
Come one, come all to see this in action!)
When he is talking, he demands the full attention of
everyone in the room, perhaps using an overly dignified tone of voice to
command respect. But when you are talking, he is intentionally rude in order to
show your unimportance. For example, he fiddles with his cell phone, holds side
conversations with the person next to him, or reviews documents and make
notes about something unrelated to the meeting. (They hit the nail on the head with this one!)
He may also attempt to control the
meeting agenda, even to the point of wasting everyone’s time on items of
exclusive interest to him. (someone else we know does this too) In his vanity, he believes his
obviously superior ideas and opinions justify his domination of every meeting
he attends.
Hypocritical
A skilled bully finds it expedient to
openly claim beliefs, feelings and virtues that he doesn’t actually possess.
Then regardless of his true attitudes, ethics, morality and intentions, he can influence
others without arousing their suspicion.
Essentially, a hypocritical bully’s spoken
philosophy doesn’t match his underlying beliefs. Due to this contradiction, his
hypocrisy becomes readily apparent to those working closely with him. However,
the rest of the company is usually unaware of his duplicitous nature, instead
accepting the positive image he cleverly manufacturers.
For example, he preaches mutual trust, but betrays your
trust in him. He preaches teamwork at the same time he undermines you. (Yup, yup!) He
conceals his activities, but attacks you for not publicizing yours. He glosses
over his mistakes as insignificant and not worth discussing, but exaggerates
your mistakes, bringing them up again and again. He is a loose cannon, but
complains when you show independence and initiative. (Wowza!)
If you work with a hypocritical bully long
enough, you will discover that there are no limits to the ways in which he can
reveal the contradiction between what he says and what he does.
Two-faced (Pay close attention here)
There’s nothing quite like that moment when a charismatic
bully first shows you his true colors. From that moment on, everything he says
and does seems like a fraud. You begin to wonder how you ever believed his
deceptions. (We have heard this time
and time again from many, many people. The same can be said about several
members of the boe.) But
then, looking around, you realize that everyone else continues to be taken in
by his act, as if they are hypnotized by the sound of his voice.
Welcome to the strange and dangerous world
of a two-faced bully.
Deceitful behaviors
A two-faced bully outwardly pretends to support you while
secretly undermining you. His warm personality or
soft-spoken manner hides his destructive intentions, including a
take-no-prisoners attitude should you oppose him/her. After lulling you into complacency, he verbally stabs
you in the back, usually when you least expect it. (Seen this done time and again.)
Public vs. private words
A two-faced bully is positive and supportive in public, but
negative and overly critical in private. (We
cannot let these rogues get in. They will destroy everything we have
accomplished!) Others
sing praises of his virtue, vision, good humor and leadership, while you are
suffering from his frequent attempts to intimidate and belittle you.
Rumor-monger
Let’s say you are standing your ground
against a particularly nasty bully and he decides to bring out the big guns.
Before you know it, you overhear co-workers belittling you in a private
conversation. What happened?
There is a good chance you have been the target of
rumor-mongering. Although a bully commonly undermines you behind your back to
reduce your power, he spreads damaging rumors when he wants to weaken you
permanently. These range from inaccurate criticisms of your character to
malicious accusations of wrong-doing. (This has been made evident by many people at election time)
Attacks your character
By frequently repeating unwarranted negative comments about
you, he tries to set perceptions before you can explain your actions. Over
time, his persistent attacks can undermine your reputation and convince others
that you are bad for the company. (See
previous comment in red.)
To accomplish this, he unfairly criticizes you behind your
back by giving an inaccurate account of a recent event. He attacks the quality
of your work, without any factual basis, by giving noteworthy or humorous
examples of your mistakes. He implies you have bad intentions by misquoting
you, or tells stories that wrongly characterize you as lazy, incompetent,
dishonest, destructive or misguided. (See
previous comment in red.) He
may even suggest you have personal or emotional problems.
Uses distortions and lies as he spreads
rumors about you
A rumor-monger treats half-truths and hearsay as damning
evidence. He distorts the meaning of comments made by others, thus converting
innocent observations into harsh criticisms. He repeats statements from
obviously biased sources, prefacing the rumor with praise of the source’s character.
If necessary, he even makes up lies about you. (Noooo! Say it ain't so!)
Passive-aggressive
A workplace bully may be aggressive towards
you by things he doesn’t do. By not doing something that would normally
occur, he can insult you and weaken you, with a potentially serious impact on
your ability to move forward with your career.
Cuts you out of the loop
At his worst, a passive-aggressive bully keeps you in the
dark about new strategies, projects and employees, perhaps by excluding you from office communication
(email, meetings, informal conversations, lunches). He effectively exiles you
from his clique, possibly resulting in your termination.
Through methods like these,
passive-aggressive behavior represents one of the most diabolical forms of workplace
bullying.
Identifying a Toxic Workplace
Does your company confront aggressive people about inappropriate
behaviors? Does it warn bullies about dealing fairly with others and
following core values? Does it
investigate charges of backstabbing and manipulation?
If so, consider yourself fortunate. You are in a healthy
workplace, with people in power who will support you in your fight with a
bully.
On the other hand, do they turn a blind eye to bullying? (YES!) Do they encourage or reward bullying
behaviors? (YES!) Does a workplace bully usually get his way? (YES!) Is bullying behavior the norm
rather than the exception? (YES, YES, YES!!!!
In the board room, in the classroom, in the office, on the bus...it's accepted EVERYWHERE!)
In that case, you are probably in a toxic workplace. Even if you
aren’t directly bullied, the fumes may get you.
This section will help you determine whether your workplace is
toxic.
The dominant culture of your workplace has a huge impact on
your ability to effectively deal with a workplace bully. Don’t even think about
fighting a bully until you get a handle on the larger environment. (So true! It needs to begin at the board level, only most don't
see that.)
Signs of a toxic
workplace
In a toxic workplace, dysfunctional attitudes and emotions seem to
permeate the atmosphere.
1. Widespread anger and frustration
Are co-workers frequently in a foul mood? Are anger and
frustration widespread? Do disenchanted employees outnumber enthusiastic ones?
These are clear signs that your company’s atmosphere is toxic. (We're guessing so due to the recent institute day topic.)
In this situation, nothing realistic is being done to improve
morale. (You got that right!) Any efforts to make your company a better place to work seem
superficial, even ironic (like having the workplace bully head up the committee
to improve morale). (We could not have said this
better!)
Turnover is usually high in a toxic workplace, with the most
talented people quitting. (Yup, so true!)
2. Workplace bully is admired
Is the company culture to admire the winners, regardless of their
tactics? Is the bully widely respected (Only by some of the boe who
turn a blind eye to this behavior), despite his inappropriate behavior, as
an aggressive, competitive leader? When a bully loses control of his temper or
intentionally embarrasses a subordinate, do others justify his actions as
strong management, or even dismiss them as irrelevant?
3. Scapegoats are found to take the
blame
Does blaming others seem like a blood sport in your company?
In a toxic workplace, a bully “explains” a mistake by castigating
someone else. (Loves throwing other people under the
bus!!) He thus dodges any responsibility for
his actions (although he may acknowledge he used poor judgment in hiring the
scapegoat).
A bully’s habit of blaming others can cause serious, persistent
problems. (graduation, legislation, reporters,
etc.) By not acknowledging his role in causing mistakes, he
finds no answers that can prevent mistakes in the future. And by blaming the
innocent, he causes valuable employees to quit. This, in turn, overburdens the
remaining personnel, resulting in more failures.
Scapegoats may continue to be blamed long after they’ve left the company.
He can use two or three ex-employees to explain a whole host of problems, since
they are no longer around to explain how the bully was actually at fault.
4. Dysfunctional processes
In a toxic company, processes tend to be dysfunctional,
particularly if a workplace bully helps create them. (SBG, STI, new assessments, further attempts, new report cards, new grading system, etc.)
In this situation, company procedures don’t make sense, making it
difficult to get things done. (Tell us about it!) Management reviews are an unnecessary burden, with many
reports that don’t have any meaning. (So true! Just ask the
staff!) For any given task, the
established process appears illogical. You hear “That’s the way we’ve always
done it” (We have heard the former statement at
least a million times over the years!) rather than “There’s always room for improvement.”
Vague objectives and arbitrary
deadlines
There are no clear objectives, so it can be tough to determine
what’s important and what isn’t. At times, you find yourself buried with work
that appears to be completely unnecessary. It is never clear how and why things
are done around the company. (We've heard this time
and again from staff members.)
Your boss routinely makes decisions that impact you without
seeking your input. Deadlines are never established based on logical scheduling
of larger goals, but instead appear arbitrary. No matter how often his
subordinates complain, your boss never extends unrealistic deadlines, adding to
the general frustration.
Meaningless solutions from ineffective
management
In order to create the impression that personnel issues are being
addressed, upper management sets up a committee to investigate specific
problems and suggest solutions. (Synergenics) But the results are based on the premise that the employees
aren’t very sophisticated and can be easily appeased. Input from employees is
discounted or ignored and clueless managers rely on their own misapprehensions.
Because the process is dysfunctional, the results are meaningless. (We could have told them that without spending thousands of
dollars.)
Let’s say, for example, that a committee is formed to investigate
low morale and declining productivity. But since the workplace is toxic, the
committee won’t have the authority to investigate the bully. Even worse, a
bully may be on the committee. Or the committee must first report to a high
level executive who is one of the bullies (“Well, our surprising conclusion is
that you are the cause of declining morale.” No, I can’t see
that happening either.) (Wouldn't that be nice?)
Since they must ignore the impact of bullying on morale, they
instead turn to “creative” ideas. (Synergenics) Perhaps they find some popular solution to “make employees
feel better about themselves.” This could include a patronizing “Extra Special
Person” award, meaningless interdepartmental competitions or irrelevant offsite
training seminars (“As soon as everyone learns proper time-management
techniques,” they tell one another, “productivity and morale will go way up.
We’ll even give them free planning notebooks.”)
Unintended consequence: worsening
morale
In the end, these solutions tend to be counterproductive. Not only
do they fail to deal with the bully, but the premise--employees don’t realize
the real problem--is fatally flawed. By pushing a meaningless, ineffective
solution to morale, employees feel they are being treated like children, or as
second-class citizens. Morale deteriorates even further, and high employee
turnover is often the result.
On the other hand, after most employees leave and are replaced
with fresh faces, morale will be good once again. That is until bullying again
takes its toll and a new dysfunctional committee is appointed and again ignores
the real cause of the problem (one symptom of a company run by a bully). (Is our company/boe run by a bully?)
5. Dysfunctional relationships
How do employees relate to one another at your company? In a toxic
workplace, everyone seems to struggle with relationships. Misunderstandings are
common, leading to frustration, anger and inefficiency. Gossip and criticism
are the norm, and cliques lead to favoritism and feuding. (That's why they had to devote several days to Synergenics.)
Noticeably absent in a toxic workplace are clear and
straightforward conversations. You rarely see a quick resolution of
relationship issues, and bad feelings may linger for months, or even
years. (You ain't kidding. Get over it!!)
6. Dysfunctional meetings
Do meetings at your company feel like a waste of time? (YES!) Are they dominated by dull
monologues and meaningless reports? (YES!!) Do they provide workplace bullies a forum to rant, rave and
manipulate? (YES!!) Are reasonable
people intimidated into silence? (That's the
goal.)
If so, you are experiencing the living hell of dysfunctional
meetings. (YA THINK?)
Topics are meaningless
In a toxic workplace, those who dominate meetings seem to prefer
to discuss vague platitudes instead of underlying problems. They focus on
theory rather than dealing with reality. By ignoring the real problems facing
the company, they fail to accomplish anything of substance. The main impact of
meetings is the loss of productive time from your day. Your dominant thought as
you leave tends to be “There’s an hour of my life I’ll never get back.” (How ‘bout it!)
Bully is allowed to dominate meetings
A workplace bully tends to dominate meetings through his
aggressive conversational style, including giving monologues, arguing,
criticizing, interrupting and raising his voice. He uses generalizations,
innuendo and presuppositions without being challenged. He stifles open
discussions and prevents any progress, except to further his own agenda. He may
even use a meeting to embarrass, ridicule and humiliate his opponents. (We had to highlight this. The board president needs to take
notice of this. And now with a certain someone back, there will be even more of the
same.)
In a toxic workplace, any complaints about the bully’s domination
of meetings will likely fall upon deaf ears. In fact, his aggressive tactics
are more likely to be admired by upper management (BOE).
7. Obvious hypocrisy in the company
A toxic workplace nearly always includes widespread hypocrisy.
Executives (and district leaders) are unlikely to acknowledge the serious problems plaguing
their company, instead promoting the fiction of a healthy work environment run
by enlightened management. Bullies are euphemistically described as highly
competitive individuals who are becoming strong leaders.
Management fads
Executives in a toxic company often overcompensate by adopting
faddish management approaches (SBG), as if propaganda is an effective tool to overcome reality. The
result may be aggressively promoted company values that don’t seem to match
day-to-day events.
For example, clear communication is preached in elaborate seminars
while poor communication continues to be the norm. Valuing and
respecting others is publicized in the company mission statement (protocols), or on framed motivational posters in
the break room, but undermining and belittling others seems pervasive. Everyone
is told to make company goals/protocols their first
priority and adopt a spirit of teamwork, but internal competition dominates.
Worst of all, the most consistent violators of company values are the most
highly rewarded. (Again, we had to highlight this. Every
member of the boe should take note of this)
Bully as preacher
A workplace bully can be quite outspoken in preaching company
values, pressuring others to modify their behavior (making bullying a goal) even as he
consistently violates those values. Rather than being punished for his
violations, the bully is rewarded for his outward image of leadership. (He/she is so amazing-we are lucky to have them!) In the rare event he
is reprimanded for breaking company values, it is ineffective and ultimately
meaningless. In this manner, upper management’s hypocritical attempts to
improve the work environment are exploited by a clever bully, leading to
further deterioration of morale.
Clueless or evil management
Even when the hypocrisy seems obvious to everyone, upper
management seems unaware of the
contradictions between what is said and what is done. (Bullying takes place at all levels. Pay attention to the premise of
your GOAL. It’s not just for kids!) Maybe they want
you to guess whether they are hopelessly unaware or utterly lacking in
integrity. (We think it's the latter.)
8. Overly restrictive systems for
controlling people
A workplace bully usually thrives by controlling others. He
prefers a workplace with dehumanizing systems, offering him more opportunities
to tightly control their behavior.
Companies fall into this mode of operation by designing and
implementing overly detailed operational systems. These include overly detailed
policies, procedures and job descriptions and performance evaluations. (Bingo!)
Toxic vs. enlightened workplace
In a toxic workplace, employees are criticized and punished for
failing to meet established criteria, regardless of whether the item makes any
sense. Common sense is not considered as a meaningful factor.
In a more enlightened environment, the emphasis is on training
employees to achieve excellence, and on providing them with appropriate
techniques and tools. In effect, the systems are subordinated to the employees.
In a toxic workplace, it is the other way around: the employees are
subordinated to the systems, based on the premise that people can’t be trusted
to think for themselves, and they can’t learn to do their job skillfully and
reliably.
Bully as a superior being
A bully also feels justified in creating and implementing highly
detailed systems due to his advanced intellect and superior judgment. The
systems allow him to control the actions of others, thus overcoming their
inferiority and incompetence.
In accordance with his character, a bully uses the operational
system as an excuse to badger his subordinates and control his peers.
Ultimately, this becomes another weapon in his arsenal of intimidation, adding
to his power in the company.
Initiative-killers
Once operational systems are in place, employees are criticized
for taking any initiative, such as modifying the approach or eliminating
unnecessary tasks. It doesn’t seem to matter that these changes would make the
company operate more efficiently--if the bully doesn’t originate the idea, it
isn’t even considered. (How true!)
Arguments for totalitarian controls
When challenged by more enlightened colleagues, a bully adamantly
defends this approach. He explains that operational systems are absolutely
necessary to maintain discipline, productivity and quality control. He
complains that without these systems, employees would not be held accountable
for their actions. He may launch into a long-winded description of a former
employer that used these systems, or refers to sophisticated management
studies, offering quotes and statistics to prove his point.
During his monologue, he conveniently omits the fact that his
approach goes far beyond common-sense management concepts, such as thorough
work plans and checklists, and into the realm of totalitarian control, with
harsh penalties for trivial non-compliance. By converting intelligent methods
into dogmatic approaches, he bastardizes the purpose of management systems.
In this toxic situation, only mindless task-oriented workers are
rewarded. And if they learn to be completely submissive to the bully, they are
praised as model employees.
9. Incompetent or powerless board of education
In a toxic workplace, BOE are either unable or unwilling to deal with rampant workplace bullying.
Signs of an incompetent or powerless (with respect to
bullying) boe include an
inability to respond effectively to bullying incidents, refusal to treat
complaints as valid and significant, or criticizing the complainer without
understanding the situation. The boe would rather not confront the bully, so instead asks you to
change your behavior to accommodate the bully.
Failure to recognize or address the
problem
An incompetent boe treats the problem as caused equally by bully and complainer, with
no recognition of the bully’s intentionally destructive behavior. In an attempt
to rationalize an unpleasant situation, the boe dismisses overly aggressive behavior as "mood swings,” or
labels bullying as an “ordinary personality conflict.” It is up to you to resolve
the situation.
And if bullying is acknowledged, there is no follow-up on requests
for a bully to modify his behavior--perhaps because the primary goal is to
pacify the complainer, not change the bully.
BOE manipulated by a skilled bully
How can the boe fail to deal with
workplace bullying?
In some cases, they lack familiarity with bullying and its
negative impact on employees and productivity. A boe leader may misinterpret the situation,
failing to properly research and evaluate the circumstances. Or he may be
misled by a bully’s guile.
Let’s say a target (hmmm, maybe a six year
old hispanic girl or a homeless family) complains about
a series of bullying incidents. A skilled bully can convince a board of ed that his bullying behaviors were fully
justified by circumstances, or by the failings of the complainer. In the end,
the target of bullying gets blamed, either as the instigator or as a
whiner. (Wow, if only certain people would realize how
true this is!)
After two or three incidents, the boe will perceive the target as a chronic
complainer. After that, all future bullying of that target, even when obvious
and severe, is likely to be ignored. In this manner, a boe can contribute to the toxicity of
a workplace.
HR intimidated by an entrenched bully
A board of education may honor a bully’s leadership in the company. If a bully is
clearly respected by upper management, confronting him carries huge risks. It
makes more sense to side with the bully, blaming the target.
For example, let's say a bully convinces the boe president that his department will
deliver an enormous increase in profits test scores, but it requires a “tough management”
approach. If the president is committed to the bully, the boe will probably avoid interfering.
When the boe president believes
her own job would be at risk if he makes an enemy of a powerful bully, you
probably won’t see any meaningful action to address the underlying problem.
We could go on and on with how to identify a workplace
bully. Everyone knows there is an elephant in the room. But unless people are
ready to take a stand and put their actions into words, nothing in this
district will ever change. The time is now. Let’s make it happen!!
